The Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay

I know you are all extremely excited to head back to your respective school come Wednesday.

So, to help get you ready for school I thought I'd give you some insight on what not to use when you first essay question on a test appears sometime in the near future.

I bring to you:
THE WORST ANALOGIES EVER WRITTEN IN A HIGH SCHOOL ESSAY

*He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

*McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

*The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

*He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

*Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Phil's personal favorite)

*The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

I repeat, DO NOT USE these in school, even if they are hilarious!

To read more terrible analogies click here.